This little exercise could have gone in the "Hue and Cry" thread regarding ... well ... let us just euphemistically allude to ... "that little bit of unpleasantness in the Gaza Strip." As the A.Z.E. and U.S. governments (and their captive corporate media) keep telling us inconsequential American citizens: Nothing to see here folks. ... Just move along, now, folks. ... Just ignore those explosions and those awful screams, now, folks. ...
I thought it better to start a new thread, though, because in the course of our discussions, Bob Shelby submitted a poem for our consideration, and I wanted to highlight that offering as a jumping-off point for more discussion on language and literature specifically. I didn't want Bob's input to go unnoticed and unappreciated; especailly not as just more passing observations made in response to a partisan polemic -- mine -- against racism, religion, and -- even worse -- any nationalistic combination of the two lethal poisons. Anyway ...
I like your poem, ¡§A Green Identity,¡¨ Bob; espcially its final line:
"I would not know again my woes."
Following one of your suggestions, I read it through ¡V twice ¡V simply following the imagery and sound without attempting any sort of on-the-fly analysis and non-existential (i.e., ¡§consciousness of abstracting¡¨) editing that I habitually do when reading expository prose. I have no problem with a fifteen-line sonnet format as opposed to the traditional fourteen lines. If an extra line completes or enhances the poem¡¦s effect, then very well and good. If you will permit me, though, I do have a few observations as a (struggling and deservedly obscure) poet myself.
First, in simply following the sense of the poem, as I understood it, I don¡¦t think you need a question mark after the penultimate line. Given that the final line expresses a desire not to ever endure the same sad experiences again, I would think that the sentence ending before it could get by with a period ¡V making the statement a polite request and not a question. In either event, whether as beginning a question or as an indicative request, the thirteenth line might profit from a comma after ¡§carefully,¡¨ thus marking the remainder of the sentence as a clearly recognizable verbal phrase telling the gardener precisely how carefully to dig. Or not ...
Second, since the opening two-lines state that the dandelion does not prevaricate ¡V or ¡§dis-assemble,¡¨ as Deputy Dubya Bush likes to babble ¡V I read that the little yellow flower bravely and unapologetically hides nothing, and so I would think that ¡§shows itself¡¨ makes a little more sense here than ¡§shows no self.¡¨ (If you had a Buddhist dandelion in mind, however, forget what I just said about "no self.") I know. Picky, picky, picky ...
Third, I read along with no accent or rhyme-scheme troubles until I got to the end of the sixth line, where I tripped up expecting eight syllables and only heard seven. So, mentally, I inserted "as" between "soil" and "well." Then, after the expected a-b-a-b-c-d-c-d lines, I couldn't pick up any further rhyming pattern (although the syllablic accents remained as anticipated) until the last two lines. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the poem and studied it carefully for what I could learn from it.
Whether or not I learned anything, I did take a stab at a fifteen-line sonnet myself, somewhat on your established "Dandelion" theme, although I tried to regularize the stanza rhyme-scheme to a-b-a-b-c-d-c-d-e-f-e-f-g-g-g. I called it, "A Yellow Bravery."
In addition, I thought a bit more about disputatious (or controversial) dialectics as opposed to "logic" (more about which distinction in another posting) which led me to conceive another poem this morning called "Diurnal Dialectic." For your reference, I posted both efforts at:
Now, Carol wants me to continue playing electrician in her under-remodelling kitchen. Chinese New Year looms and I've just got to get this DIY job done so I can get back to sculpting gargoyles and conversing with Stan about pragmatist philosophy and stuff like that.
Later to one and all ...
O_Moon,_Thou_Silvery_Vocative.pdf (24.18 KB, 7 views)
... And I completely agree with those who found Robert Mitchum -- in Night of the Hunter -- the scariest screen bad guy ever. I liked Heath Ledger as the Joker in The Dark Knight, but comic book fanboy fascists do not frighten adults -- as a competent actor should -- more with their restrained, barely-repressed evil than through gaudy, in-your-face outlandishness. At least, so said director Nick Meyer to his star actor Ricardo Montalban as the bad guy who stole the show in Star Trek II: the Wrath of Khan.
Someone on another blog mentioned a little lyric from Stephen Sondheim's (1973) song, "Send in the Clowns," which instigated something in me to pay my own hyperbolic homage to U.S./A.Z.E. hypocrisy with "Send in the Frowns" at:http://themisfortuneteller.blogspot.com/2009/01/send-in-frowns.html
There. That ought to teach all those dead Iraqis, Afghans, and Palestinians a lesson they'll never forget for the rest of their lives that they don't have anymore. Soon now, the inbred and isolated U.S./A.Z.E. pariah partners will make dispossessed and determined desperadoes -- or "terrorists" -- of all (which means practically the civilized world now) who resist and reject Imperial Apartheid Zionist-Christianism.
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